Posts Tagged ‘why unicorns?’

The Sickness…

Posted: September 13, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

I’ve been miserably sick for the past week. In that amount of time I have probably gone through an entire factory worth of Kleenex and probably a months worth of Vick’s. I’ve also learned a few important things about being sick with kids.

1) Never assume that your children will have sympathy for you longer for two seconds.- Seriously, it’s like a NatGeo special. It’s survival of the fittest, you are now the weakest link in the herd. Unless somebody gets hungry. Then they’re your best friends again.

2) Your husband/spouse/boyfriend/significant other will ALWAYS be sicker than you are. It’s a law of nature, like gravity. You have a cough, he has full on bronchitis. You have a sore throat, he can’t live any longer. You have a head cold, he lays in bed moaning like he’s two seconds from death while you are barely upright trying to make it through one more hour until nap time.

3) Alcohol makes it worse- But I’ll be damned if a Robotussin martini won’t do the trick. Just be sure the sharp things are secured and nothing flammable is within reach of the kids. (I’m KIDDING, obviously. I put my kids in their cages before I indulge)

4) It’s hard to yell at a room full of squabbling preschoolers when you are losing your voice, BUT when you’re this pale and leaking fluid from every orifice on your face AND said children happen to be terrified of zombies…well, throw in a leg drag and your already perfect moan of death and voila!

5) Hallucinating CAN be fun. When your fever spikes at 104 all the while Conan comes dancing out of the TV and everything tastes purple just think of this time as a vacation. Between the boredom of being sick and the inability to sleep because you can only breathe through your mouth you take what you can get.