For this:

 

0903031416

 

He will come home with this:

 

0903031421

 

Science.

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First Rule Of Mom Club..

Posted: September 3, 2013 in Uncategorized

Motherhood comes with its own set of rules, like ‘never shake a baby’ or ‘don’t put the baby in the dryer’ or ‘sleep is futile’. But the FIRST rule of Mom Club is: you never judge another mother. Unless she’s wrong. Then you ridicule the HELL out of her behind her back and/or in an online public forum, because how dare she raise her children like that?!?! You’re obviously so much more informed than she. It so clearly states in the Handbook of Being an Awesome Mom that everything that particular mother does is wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.

Never mind that being a mother is a overwhelming task  horrifying and fulfilling 24/7 job placed upon thrown at us like a flaming ball of shit and NONE of us knows what the hell we are doing. Forget the fact that we all live with this huge boiling pit of endless guilt.love.hate that should bring us together in an eternal bond of sisterhood. Formula feed your baby? How dare you. Breastfeeding? You harlot. Let your toddler watch a half hour of a pointless television show so you can finally sit and have that cup of coffee you poured for yourself two hours ago? What kind of mother are you?

We can’t all be perfect, but heaven forbid you try to hold an open, honest discussion with another mom on how hard it is to be a mother. Sometimes I forget how judgemental other moms can be over even the simple things. I have made the mistake on more than one occasion of sharing an experience only to get the ‘look’ from whoever I’m talking to. You know it we’ve all gotten it from someone. The raised eyebrow usually  followed by a smug shift of body language. The “Oh, you poor, dumb thing” look. I get it, you’re smarter than I am. You have one perfect child that never throws his dinner at the dog or shreds an entire folder of important papers or delights the world with a poop mural he painted on his bedroom wall just for you. I have four kids, all under 6. I don’t get the luxury of color coding their toys by educational value. I consider my day a success if I didn’t lose one of them in a pile of laundry or forget to dress them. I’m just trying to get by how I know best all the while giving them all of the loving patience I can muster. That’s all ANY of us can do. So the next time you are talking to another mom in the park, online, or in the doctors office try to remember to have a little compassion.

My new first rule of Mom Club is this: Don’t be a dick.

Since being a mom means I have to pull somewhat healthy meals that are relatively quick and easy to make out of my ass on a fairly regular basis (kids need every single day, sometimes multiple times..who knew?) I decided to share some of my favorites once a week. Monday shall hence forth been known in NAFMB world as “Martha Motherfucking Stewart Mondays”. Catchy, ain’t it?

This week I’m sharing my go to chicken dish, F-Bomb Chicken. Why F-Bomb? Because it’s FUCKING DELICIOUS.  (It’s also known as Cheesy Chicken and Rice, but where’s the fun in that?)

Things You Need:

  • Brown Minute Rice
  • Chicken breasts (I usually use 4-5 large breasts)
  • 2 1/2 cups of fresh broccoli florets
  • Cheese. A lot of cheese. (2 cups of finely shredded sharp cheddar if you want to get all specific)
  • Chicken boullion, 1 tsp. salt, 1 tsp pepper, 2 tsp garlic salt, 2 tsp. minced onion
  • Casserole dish

Preheat your oven to 375 degrees then measure out the appropriate amount of water for the amount of rice you want. I use the Minute brand brown rice because regular long grain takes FOREVER to cook. Typically I make 6 servings of rice, so that’s 2 1/2 cups of water. Bring the water to boil; in the meantime add the boullion and other seasonings to the water. When the water comes to a boil pour it into the casserole dish. Don’t worry if it doesn’t look like it will be enough, it will be.  Add the appropriate amount of rice into the casserole dish and spread it out with a spoon to get an even layer. In my case I would be using 3 cups of rice. After you have your rice spread out, lay the chicken breasts on the rice, with a little bit of space between each. Add a layer of broccoli florets on top of the chicken.  Cover the dish with tin foil (shiny side down) and crimp tightly. Bake in the oven for approximately 35-45 minutes, or until the chicken juices runs clear.  Remove from oven, remove foil, and top with cheese.

You can season it to your own taste, I happen to like it on the garlic side of things but feel free to experiment with flavors, cheeses, rice, vegetables, etc. It’s pretty hard to mess it up.

Well, not exactly…

Breastfeeding Gets Boost With Airport Lactation Station in Burlington, VT by Mamava, a company that offers permanent and well as portable breastfeeding/pumping stations.

I think this is a pretty neat development in the world of breastfeeding. I can’t even imagine how much of a pain it must be for breastfeeding moms who travel frequently for work to find time to pump or nurse their child, especially in an airport. It’s hard enough trying to nurse a child while shopping or running errands close to home.  I’m excited to read that they are working towards encouraging the use portable Mamava stations for workplaces that might not have an area available for working moms (i.e. Starbucks, schools for teachers who nurse, Walmart and like stores, etc).

What do you think? For those who have breastfed or are currently breastfeeding and working, would you take advantage of something like this for pumping? What about nursing?

…when I yell at my kids and I sound EXACTLY like my mother.

and you inadvertently ruined her entire life by talking about the time when you were five and found out Santa wasn’t real.

…Awkward.

You Did What Now?

Posted: August 29, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: ,

M&M: Mom, guess what I did.

Moi: You discovered Atlantis?

M&M: No.

Moi: You invented chocolate socks?

M&M: Noo.

Moi: You discovered a breed of dust bunnies that eat other dust bunnies?

M&M: No, Mom. (muy serious face)

Moi: You found a snipe? You went to outer space? You found a talking pickle? Oh, I know! You rescued a dragon from a princess!

M&M: Nooo mom! (stomps foot)

Moi: Well..I give up. What did you do.

M&M: (mischevious grin) I farted.

.

..I honestly should have seen that coming.